Raise your hand if you are also swimming around in a big lake of never ending “shoulds”.  You know what I’m talking about, right?

I should exercise more.

I should enjoy spending time with my kid(s) more.

I should make more dinners at home.

I should feel better about myself.

I should have more energy.

Those “shoulds” that creep in and invade my head.  I’m full of them right now.  Right to the tip top.  Most of them are centered around health, as I’m working with a nutrition coach and trying to find a sustainable path to eating healthy and feeling better.  Eliminating the foods that don’t do me any good and focusing more on the things that make me feel great.

The process has been hard, I won’t lie.  Being very contentious about food and eating is hard work.  It’s a lot easier when you’ve got a plan (Whole30, Advocare 30 Day Challenge) telling you exactly what to do and when to do it.  But for me at least, that is not a sustainable track.  Those plans are extremely successful for me while I’m within the 30 days, and I end them with a head full of confidence.  And then I slowly slide back toward my habits.  And that doesn’t work.

So this is new.  There are no rules.  Just real life.  Entertaining, eating, caring for myself through the way I feed myself.  It’s all good, but right now it’s really hard.  Sugar isn’t off limits.  Alcohol isn’t off limits.  Nothing is off limits which means you have to think about WHY you’re having that third glass of wine, or that second macaron.  And let me tell you, in case you don’t know, thinking about that stuff sucks.  Because then, for me at least, the “shoulds” (or “shouldn’ts”, as the case may be) come a rollin’ in.  I have never been one to be easy on myself, so it’s not a huge surprise that I give myself very little grace when it comes to cleaning things up.

So, there’s that, I guess.  The “shoulds”.  I should be easier on myself, right?  Oh wait.  There I go again.

I share this because I believe I’m not alone in my battle with the “shoulds”.  And I want you to know I’m here.  From this absolutely exhausted girl to you, I’m here.